The Unspoken Rules of Motherhood
1. We will introduce ourselves by first name without hesitation every time we see each other, even if we’ve known each other since 1996. You know- Momma brain.
2. We change out of our pajama pants, into our yoga pants and are ready for the day.
3. Our kids ask where are you going when you put on jeans. oohhhh- Fancy.
4. When your husband asks, “what did you do today?” you can’t muster up a single thing to report, despite feeling like you’ve been put through the spin cycle of the washing machine.
5. We’ve cleaned the house with a package of baby wipes and felt pretty good about the shine.
6. A “night out” is roaming the aisles at Target alone.
7. The TV has been on all day, but we have no idea what’s happening in world news.
8. Showering is a major accomplishment. MAJOR.
9. You actually know what the fox says, or what it could say at least, because 50% of your time is spent making animal sounds.
10. Your mood depends solely on the length of time your child napped for.
11. On the way out the door, you look down at your kids crusty food on your shirt and think to yourself, eh, it’s not that bad. Or worse, you pick it off and actually taste it.
12. You fake stomach problems once your husband gets home, just so you can be alone in your own bathroom.
13. You have to check the weather outside before you head out because you have no idea how cold or warm it is because you haven’t been out in days.
14. You consider going on Facebook “spending time with your friends”.
15. You’ve been wearing the same outfit for a couple days in a row…and you’re not sure exactly how many “a couple” means.
16. Your vacuum cleaner is a permanent fixture in [insert the busiest room in the house] and hasn’t been unplugged for three months.
17. You have no idea what the date or day of the week is, but you can tell what time it is just by what cartoon is on TV.
18. It’s only 9 am and you’ve thought “I need a drink”.
19. The cup of coffee you are drinking at lunch is the cup you made at 5:30am, just reheated for the 100th time.
20. You don’t want to go to bed at night because the silence is just too beautiful, no matter how tired you are.
What would you add to this list?
Don’t forget to sign up yo-